“I feel a bit helpless”

Her son is 16 years old, plays soccer and basketball with his friends, and spends many hours on his phone and playing video games. He is a teenager like so many others. His mother confesses that she lives with constant anxiety, fueled above all by her son’s silence. “My fear is that, because he is very reserved, he might be suffering from some form of humiliation and not telling me. That he might be a victim of bullying or under some pressure, because I think there is a lot of competitiveness among teenagers.”
The fear does not come out of nowhere. The teenager was bullied in the past, and that experience left marks on how his mother views every sign of sadness. “I feel that, at times, he is very downcast. And I think: could something be happening on his phone? Is someone hurting him? And is he not telling me?”
For years, she had access to her son’s phone. Today, she no longer does. “He tells me that I have no business looking at his phone, that he is a grown boy now.” The mother tries to engage in dialogue, but the answers are scarce. “I push him, but he gives me the bare minimum. He gives me almost no information about what is going on with him. And I immediately start imagining the worst.”
She assures that she talks to her son about the dangers of the internet. His response, however, is always the same: “Don’t worry, I have everything under control. You don’t have to be afraid of anything because I’m big now.” It is precisely this confidence that worries her. “He always thinks he is not a target, that it only happens to others, that nothing will happen to him. That scares me.”
Even so, she refuses the temptation to protect him by locking him up at home. She even admits to feeling relieved when he goes out to play sports with his friends and leaves screens behind. “The world out there scares me, but I am aware that I cannot keep him trapped inside the house—though the truth is that I only rest easy when he walks through the door.”
The app that tallys intimacy
Recently, the moment that struck her most did not come from her son, but from a 15-year-old friend of his who talks to her frequently. It was this teenager who told her about an application where teenagers record episodes of their intimate lives. “For example: if my son kisses a girl, he goes to the app and says he kissed a girl that day. And it stays registered there that Boy X has already kissed six girls.”
The record, the teenager explained, does not stop at kisses: it also includes counting sexual relationships, with details that left this mother speechless—after all, this is an app whose content is entered by youth aged 13, 14, 15, 16… “I was looking at her and didn’t even know what to say. I just said: ‘I’m shocked.'” When she asked what the goal was, she simply heard that it served “so we know how many people we’ve kissed.” And, as a response to her reservations, the “accusation” arrived quickly: she was an “old school” mother, someone “from the 90s” who “doesn’t understand anything.”
That day, she remembers calling her own mother to vent. “In my time, I didn’t even want anyone to know if I had kissed someone. To me, this is a completely different world.” More than the exposure itself, the naïveté disturbs her. “They don’t even realize that people could join that app pretending to be young when they aren’t. They have no fears. They think they live in La La Land.”
When her sister, a mother of two young children, complains about being tired, her response comes with a bitter smile: “You are in the best phase; you have no idea what awaits you.” For this mother, the hardest part of adolescence is not the rebellion, nor the typical isolation of that age. “It is more the fear of the world, of the way things are.”
In the face of all this, she holds on to one certainty: keeping the door open is the solution. “For me, the important thing is to always keep some channel of dialogue open. He says I’m annoying, but I don’t care. He can say whatever he wants—one day he will thank me.”
Note: For reasons that seem obvious to us (safeguarding the privacy of the family and particularly the young people involved), we have kept all participants completely anonymous.
Madalena Balça/MS











