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I'm a veteran traveler, but a rookie flight-booking mistake cost me $3,000 — and taught me 4 lessons I'll never forget

A family by a waterfall in Iceland all wearing black jackets.
One flight-booking mistake cost my family nearly $3,000 and a day of travel.

Natalie Becerra

  • I booked two separate flight itineraries on different airlines for a family trip to Ireland.
  • I realized this was a mistake after the first airline diverted, and the second left without us.
  • The fix cost my family nearly $3,000 in new tickets and a day's worth of touring.

I'm a veteran traveler who has booked more long-haul flights than I can count. But earlier this year, I made a very expensive rookie mistake.

While planning a trip, I came across a deal I couldn't pass up: a $317 one-way flight on Icelandair to Ireland with a multi-day layover in Reykjavik. It was essentially a way to take a trip within a trip without paying extra airfare.

The catch? The flight departed from New York, not our home airport in Florida. I'd be in New York a few days early, but my family would need to fly up to meet me. Booking separate itineraries was far from ideal, but I figured a five-hour buffer would be enough.

It wasn't.

A storm in New York canceled my family's JetBlue flight from Florida, and their replacement flight then couldn't land and was diverted to Virginia. Their Icelandair flight to Europe was automatically canceled after they were marked as no-shows.

On the night we were supposed to fly together to Iceland, my family was stuck states away, and I was scrambling to find a solution.

With my family's original flight gone, we had to spend nearly $3,000 to get them back on track and navigate the complicated credit card trip insurance process. Here are 4 lessons I learned the hard way.

Booking separate itineraries comes with a pricey risk

A passenger holds his passport and ticket at the Fort Lauderdale-Hollywood International Airport
I didn't account for enough time for flight disruptions.

Joe Raedle/Getty Images

Arriving in the city of your next flight at least 24 hours before may feel a bit extreme, but it's the minimum safety net you need.

Being already in the right location for your flight can be a huge weight off your shoulders. It also allows sufficient time for rebooking should something go wrong with your flight.

My last-minute whim to visit a few friends upstate turned out to be key. Those extra two nights in New York meant I was able to make the flight to Iceland. If I had booked my family of three on a flight the day before our long-haul flight, they would have made it too.

My family made it to New York the next morning and ended up taking a replacement flight to Iceland that evening, getting in about 24 hours later than originally planned. I bought two basic economy tickets for $734 each, and one standard economy ticket with extra baggage allowance for $1,105. In total, I spent $2,573 on new tickets.

The costly mistake made me realize that although an extra hotel night is an added expense and may mean using more PTO, it's a cheap investment compared to the cost of new international flights — and the cost of missed events — if things don't go to plan.

This is especially worth it if you have definite plans right after your arrival, such as a cruise or a concert.

Neither airline has to help in my scenario

Rain drops are seen on the window of a Boeing 737 airliner
Neither airline was required to help my family make their flight to Iceland after the diversion.

Jaap Arriens/NurPhoto via Getty Images

When you book connecting flights on a single itinerary, the airline is responsible for getting you to your destination. If you miss that connection through no fault of your own, then the airline will put you on another available flight at no additional cost.

When you book flights separately, you're responsible for making each connection — or buying new tickets if you miss one. And generally, regardless of reason, the airline operating your next flight isn't obligated to accommodate you if you miss it because of a problem with your previous airline.

Our tickets to New York and Iceland were separate, so despite numerous calls to each airline, none were responsible for the missed connection. If you do miss a connection on a single booking, look up alternatives yourself and discuss them with the agent. It's not guaranteed, but they may be able to accommodate you on a partner airline at a more convenient time.

And remember, it's not the staff's fault for the disruption. You get more bees with honey.

I should have read the fine print

People wait in long TSA (Transportation Security Administration) security lines at John F. Kennedy International Airport
It didn't make sense for me to pay to change my flight to wait for my family, so I took my original flight to Iceland.

Michael Nigro/Pacific Press/LightRocket via Getty Images

I didn't book the cheapest fare, but I didn't read the fine print either.

When things started to go wrong, I was shocked to see there was a $250 change fee per person on my original flight and no refunds. Changing the tickets would have cost nearly as much as the original flight, plus the fare difference.

At the time, it was uncertain when my family would actually arrive in New York and feasibly be able to catch the next flight to Iceland, so we didn't change the tickets. Missing the first flight on this stopover itinerary meant my family was marked a no-show and their onward leg to Dublin was canceled, which is standard airline policy.

While there were other ways to get to Iceland, there were few nonstop flights from Iceland to Ireland — a one-stop meant at least four extra hours of travel — so the best option was to book a new stopover ticket with Icelandair.

When I started booking the new tickets, I noticed that almost every fare class had punitive cancellation and change policies — and this time I was sure to be familiar with the terms of my booking.

I need to better understand my credit card's trip protections

Wallet with credit cards.
I will better strategize which credit cards I use to book flights.

OGI75/Getty Images

Premium credit cards can have your back when flight plans go wrong, but they don't cover everything.

We used the Chase Sapphire Reserve for Business' trip cancellation and interruption protection for the original Icelandair tickets and were reimbursed $952. The coverage typically reimburses covered unused, prepaid expenses — but not the cost of buying new airline tickets.

Trip delay coverage doesn't either, but it can cover other expenses for covered trips. However, credit card policies vary — and this is where I went wrong.

We booked the flights to New York on an American Express Business Platinum Card but used a different card for the return flights. That meant the Amex trip-delay protection did not apply: its terms require the full round-trip fare to be charged to the eligible card.

I had split the flights across cards to preserve Chase's bag-delay protection, but I didn't realize I was giving up the Amex protection in the process, so the $103 spent on dinner after the diversion wasn't covered. For future trips, I'll use only one credit card with good travel protections for all my trip expenses to reduce complications.

Airlines may also provide some compensation for flight disruptions. In our case, my family was reimbursed for a hotel stay ($185) on the night they were diverted. When delayed, I always keep receipts of all my added expenses to submit to the appropriate parties.

Overall, although our vacation had a rocky start and cost more than we planned, we had a great trip and are glad we pushed through it.

Missing a flight always seems avoidable in hindsight, and some things are beyond anyone's control, but with a few precautions, we can travel more confidently. Next time, I'm booking the extra hotel night.

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I've visited over 50 cities in Europe. London and Paris were great, but these 5 lesser-known locations are worth a visit.

Dasha leans against a bridge over a river. Behind her are hills with houses on them.
One of my favorite lesser-known locations to travel to is Heidelberg, Germany.

Dasha Kofman

  • After traveling to over 50 cities in Europe, I've enjoyed visiting some lesser-known locations.
  • Bath, England, is a great place to visit for Roman ruins and beautiful architecture.
  • I also loved traveling to Bruges, Belgium, which is both historic and romantic.

I've visited over 50 cities in Europe, and although I love global tourist hubs like London and Paris, I also try to seek out smaller cities and towns.

Here are five lesser-known destinations in Europe I recommend visiting.

Bath, England, is just a 90-minute train ride from London.
Tourists walk around a two-floor open-air Roman bath. The bath in the middle of the building is green.

Evannovostro/Shutterstock

As you probably could have guessed from this city's name, Bath is known for its Roman baths. These baths, dating back to AD 70, are some of the best-preserved Roman ruins in the world.

The city is full of beautiful Georgian architecture, which can be admired in places like the Royal Crescent — a crescent-shaped row of 30 houses.

I also loved visiting the Circus, which is made up of townhouses arranged in a circular pattern. In my opinion, these areas are part of what makes walking around Bath feel unique.

The train from London to Bath takes about 90 minutes, making this city the perfect day trip.

Heidelberg, Germany, embraces modern life without losing its historical charm.
A bridge over a river, with buildings and a castle in the background.

SerrNovik/Getty Images

Heidelberg has striking views around every corner. The city is home to a centuries-old castle as well as the oldest university in Germany.

I enjoyed walking along Philosophenweg (also called Philosopher's Way), where professors sought solitude and academic inspiration. The path was especially beautiful during my trip in the fall.

We loved spending time in the city, which had lots of nice restaurants and cool bars. In my opinion, Heidelberg does an amazing job of embracing the new while holding on to its historical charm.

Bruges, Belgium, is a romantic city.
People riding in a boat on a river surrounded by charming brick buildings.

Dasha Kofman

Bruges is a laid-back destination that makes a convenient day trip from nearby Paris and Brussels. In my opinion, visiting the medieval city feels like stepping back in time.

The best thing I did was take a boat ride on the canal, admiring the architecture while cruising through Minnewaterpark, commonly referred to as the Lake of Love.

The city is perfect for couples looking to indulge in Belgian beer and chocolate.

Mostar is a beautiful city in southern Bosnia and Herzegovina.
People sit on rocks next to a large tower bridge.

Dasha Kofman

Mostar really surprised me because it didn't look like anywhere else I'd been. The towering 16th-century Old Bridge connecting the two sides of the city is a UNESCO World Heritage site.

The city also has a well-preserved Ottoman quarter with charming cobblestone streets.

During my time in Mostar, I loved drinking Bosnian coffee, taking in the views of the city, and feasting on local dishes like ćevapi.

Andorra La Vella is a hidden gem in the Pyrenees mountains.
A bridge over a river with the words "Andorra La Vella" on it. There are buildings on both sides of the river and tall mountains in the background.

Dasha Kofman

Andorra La Vella is the capital of Andorra, a country in the Pyrenees between France and Spain.

Every restaurant we dined at featured dishes influenced by the surrounding countries. If you want to try authentic Andorran food, head to a borda — a traditional house once used for agricultural purposes. Now, these buildings are used as charming restaurants.

Andorra la Vella makes a great day trip from Barcelona, but, in my opinion, the city deserves more than a one-day visit.

This story was originally published on July 3, 2024, and most recently updated on October 22, 2025.

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I landed a job in Antarctica at 60 after a grueling physical examination and background check. Here's how I got the job.

Person standing beside a large McMurdo Station Antarctica sign in a snowy Antarctic landscape.
May Lee worked in Antarctica from October 2025 to February 2026 and has now returned for a new role.

Courtesy of May Lee

  • May Lee successfully applied for a role at McMurdo Station in Antarctica at age 60.
  • Jobs at McMurdo require an extensive background and health check, and are very competitive.
  • She told Business Insider about the nearly seven-month job process, from application to deployment.

This as-told-to essay is based on a conversation with May Lee, a 60-year-old broadcast engineer with GreyHawk Global at McMurdo Station in Antarctica. She previously worked there as a supply technician for Amentum after spending decades at HP, most recently as a marketing and communications manager. The conversation has been edited for length and clarity.

I was laid off from HP after 30 years, so I decided to look beyond tech jobs and pursue something different at 60.

I had visited Antarctica twice for vacation and fell in love with it. At the time, I didn't know that you could work there. When I looked into it, I knew I had to apply.

It's so hard to describe how amazing it is to work at McMurdo Station. If you ever get a chance to experience it, I highly recommend it.

Here's what the job application process was like.

I applied for 3 roles, but didn't realize how competitive it is

The US National Science Foundation manages the US Antarctic Program. The body contracts out operational support to several companies, each with a specific focus. For example, Gana A'Yoo is responsible for areas like food services and waste management.

In mid-April, I applied for three roles: rooms coordinator at Gana A'Yoo, service desk support technician at Grey Hawk Global, and a supply assistant supervisor at Amentum.

I applied using my HP résumé, which lists my various roles at the company.

Helmeted rider in a purple snowsuit sits on a black snowmobile in a snowy mountain landscape.
On a snowmobile outing in Antarctica.

Courtesy of May Lee

I was turned down for the rooms coordinator role within a week or two, with an email stating that I did "not meet the minimum requirements."

This came as a surprise to me. So, I started researching more about working in Antarctica — something I should have done beforehand — and learned that it's very competitive to get a job there. I read on blogs that if you don't make your résumé match the job description exactly, you get weeded out. So, I think that's what happened.

A recruiter reached out to me anyway

I then kind of wrote off my pursuit of a job in Antarctica. I thought maybe this just wasn't meant to be.

Travelers in red parkas board a Royal New Zealand Air Force aircraft on a snowy airfield.
Return from McMurdo in February 2026.

Courtesy of May Lee

Then, in May, a recruiter from Amentum, which offers roles in logistics and skilled trades, reached out to me, saying that my résumé appeared to be a match for what they were looking for. The job I got was a supply technician at Amentum.

When asked to send my résumé by email, I updated it to make sure it matched the job description.

I also received a pre-screening questionnaire about my availability, credentials, and whether I could work in the US without sponsorship.

I got hired as an alternate

A week later, I had a 30-minute video call with the recruiter about what the hiring process entails and more details about the job environment.

This was followed a few days later by an 80-minute phone call with the hiring manager, during which they asked behavioral, situational, and competency-based questions.

Person giving two thumbs up outside a beige building with snowy stairs and a yellow Hotel California sign.
May Lee's previous dorm at McMurdo Station.

Courtesy of May Lee

I received an offer contract for an alternate position. An alternate is the backup for a primary who can't go for whatever reason. I was told that the quicker I get through the background and physical qualification (PQ) checks, the quicker I could get to the top of the alternate list.

The health check is extensive

Because Antarctica is so remote, they want to make sure that you're healthy. Because if you go down there and something happens, there are no medical facilities that can take care of you.

In June, I received a 17-page PQ form that requested comprehensive medical and dental information.

There were eight required blood tests, a physical exam, vision screening, and a dental exam, among others. Depending on your age, sex, and deployment location and term, there may be additional tests. The costs of these were reimbursable by the company.

There is also a very comprehensive background check

In addition to the PQ, I underwent a comprehensive government background check.

I was cleared to onboard in June and was notified that I was changed to a primary in July.

Often, this is because a primary has dropped out; they might've failed the PQ, even if they passed it the year before, or something in their life might've happened that requires them to stay home.

Person giving thumbs-up beside a muddy CAT IT 28 loader in a snowy industrial yard with mountains behind.
Forklift training for May Lee's role as a supply technician.

Courtesy of May Lee

There was some back-and-forth with my PQ, which I had to resubmit after getting an updated Tdap vaccine.

In September, I received the current-season influenza vaccine, and my PQ was approved.

I made it to Antarctica in October

I flew from San Francisco to Auckland, New Zealand, and then to Christchurch. There were a couple of days of training, and I also got outfitted with extreme-cold-weather gear.

Then, after seven months of preparation, I was finally deployed to McMurdo on a Boeing C-17 Globemaster III.

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A National Geographic photographer shared 4 tips for taking better pictures with a phone

A composite image of two forest scenes with light snow on the ground
A Business Insider reporter's phone photos from a hike in Arizona show how to use a National Geographic photographer's tips.

Joey Hadden/Business Insider

  • In the age of camera phones, anyone can be a photographer.
  • You don't need fancy gear or multiple lenses to take good pictures.
  • I asked a National Geographic photographer how to make the most of the camera in your pocket.

Getting a degree in photography gave me the chance to work with all kinds of complex cameras, like the ones you see in old movies, where the operator puts a cloak over their head.

By the time I graduated, I was more comfortable with DSLRs and film cameras than the one in my pocket.

As a travel reporter, my work revolves around documenting the places I'm visiting. For some of that imagery, I've come to rely on my smallest, most nimble camera — my phone. So, in April 2022, I set out to improve my phone-photography skills.

And just like in school, I wanted to learn from a pro.

That's why I turned to Kiliii Yüyan, a National Geographic photographer who tells stories about cultures and their environments.

The magazine first published Yüyan's work in 2018, showcasing whale hunters in Alaska, he told Business Insider. Then, in 2023, National Geographic granted Yüyan the Eliza Scidmore Award for outstanding storytelling for his portfolio work, which included his July 2022 cover shot for a story documenting the lives of Indigenous people.

Yüyan said that nowadays, people are "drowning in photographs," but that doesn't mean yours have to look like everyone else's. There are ways to make your images stand out — even if you're just shooting on your phone.

Phone camera tips from a National Geographic photographer made my images feel more powerful.
Photos from the author's camera roll show phone photos from Cabo San Lucas, Mexico, in 2022.
Photos from the author's camera roll show phone photos from Cabo San Lucas, Mexico, in 2022.

Joey Hadden/Business Insider

When Yüyan and I chatted about taking standout photos on a phone, he talked about uncommon angles, proximity to the subject, interesting foregrounds, and time spent shooting.

Here are his best tips for creating powerful pictures with a phone, along with examples of their success from my own camera roll.

For the best lighting, backgrounds, and immersive shots, Yüyan told me to take my time and shoot a lot. He was right.
iPhone snapshots from around the US where the author waited for optimal light and striking backgrounds.
iPhone snapshots from around the US where the author waited for optimal light and striking backgrounds.

Joey Hadden/Business Insider

"The real secret of professional photographers is we shoot a lot and then edit it down to just one or two," Yüyan said. "You should do the same with your phone."

According to Yüyan, spending a long time in one location allows you to find optimal lighting and interesting backdrops. Truly immerse yourself in the environment to notice things that didn't stand out to you at first.

In the photos above, I spent between one and five hours at each location. I was able to take pictures with light I found inspiring, including a rainbow, the sun beaming through the trees, and a shot of a red-hued moon dimmed behind a cloud on a rooftop in Brooklyn, New York. 

"Good photographs come from deep observation, and the muses reward those who slow down, stop running from place to place, and immerse themselves in the specific place and moment," Yüyan said.

So, stick around in one location, take tons of pictures, and "make room for life to unfold in front of your lens," he told Business Insider.

Next, Yüyan said to take advantage of your phone's small size by shooting from angles we don't see every day.
A composite image of a Shih Tzu outside seen from two different angles
The author photographs her dog from different angles in New York.

Joey Hadden/Business Insider

To find the perfect angle, Yüyan said to start by considering how shooting with a lightweight, thin object can open up the realm of possibilities. 

"It becomes a habit to use the phone at just eye level, but if you watch someone who is good at selfies, you can see they are always moving the phone around — up, down, and around to try better angles," he said. "The same applies to making any other kind of photo."

This was an important point I'd never thought about before, but it left me wondering how to tell which angle makes the strongest shot. 

"One good criterion is seeing how much depth an angle will show in a photograph," Yüyan said.

For example, he said, if your subject is a child, pointing the camera down at the kid will typically result in a flat, boring image. It's the angle we're used to seeing, where the background is likely the floor. But shooting from beneath the child's eye level, looking up, can show the layers of the person and whatever is above them. 

"We rarely get down below a child's height to look up at the world, and that perspective can be magical," Yüyan said.

Yüyan's example reminded me of how I photographed a small dog at parks around New York. When I took pictures of her from above or straight on, I couldn't get a sense of her expression or personality.

But when I got below her and snapped the picture while aiming up, I could see her exploratory nature and how she uses her environment to feel bigger, like perching on a rock at the edge of a creek. 

I've found that shooting from beneath widely photographed landmarks makes my pictures look more original.
A composite image of the Christmas tree at Rockefeller Center in NYC seen from two different angles
The author photographs the Christmas tree at Rockefeller Center in NYC in 2019, left, and 2021, right.

Joey Hadden/Business Insider

Yüyan's tip of experimenting with angles that add depth reminded me of another subject I've shot on my phone — the iconic Rockefeller Center Christmas tree in NYC.

The first time I photographed the famous tree, I shot from eye level. When I looked at my photo, I felt like I'd seen it many times before.

When I returned to try a lower angle beneath some foliage, I thought I ended up with a more distinctive image. I could now see layers of smaller plants in front of the tree and the tops of the buildings surrounding it, giving me a better sense of its scale, which had been missing.

Yüyan told me that I can make natural landscapes stand out more by placing something in the foreground.
A composite image of cliffs by the beach on a cloudy day

Joey Hadden/Business Insider

Yüyan said it's hard to take standout pictures of stunning natural landscapes because they've been photographed so much. His best advice is to find a good foreground subject to set your image apart from the rest.

"Great backgrounds, such as mountains or waterfalls, are easy to find because we're always looking for them," Yüyan said. "On the other hand, a good foreground subject, such as blooming wildflowers or a craggy tree, can be much harder to find in the right location."

Yüyan recommended searching for a foreground subject and framing your shot so you can see the scenery in the distance. 

"It'll give your images depth, intimacy, and make your photos unique," he said.

His tip reminded me of when I photographed a beach across the street from the mountains in Santa Cruz, California. I started by photographing the beach from the shore. The mountains looked nice, but there was so much sand that I thought the bottom half of my image looked boring. 

So, I took my phone across some ocean rocks and into the tide pools. The rocks and reflecting water spruced up my foreground, adding layers to my image. To me, this made it feel more dynamic.

Including foreground subjects in my nature shots has made them feel more immersive.
A composite image of a body of water surrounded by rocks and the same body of water with trees and foliage in the foreground
The author photographs Prescott, Arizona, in 2022.

Joey Hadden/Business Insider

Yüyan's foreground tip reminded me of some photos I also took during a hike in Prescott, Arizona. 

When I first arrived at the Watson Lake parking lot for my hike, I was entranced by rock formations I hadn't seen before. But my photographs from the lot didn't seem to do it justice. 

Once I started hiking and immersing myself in the landscape, I found foreground subjects, such as shrubs, that better framed the lake scene.

I thought having these elements in the second image gave a better sense of what it was really like to be there, with more layers of the environment in frame.

Yüyan's last tip suggested camera phones work best up close.
A composite image of a large tree seen from far away and close up
The author photographs a tree outside of Venice, Italy.

Joey Hadden/Business Insider

According to Yüyan, intimate photos of your subject are often more powerful because the viewer can feel how close you are to them.

That's why he suggested that when you're shooting with a phone, you should make it feel like you are standing right next to something for "a more human and intimate feeling."

But don't just use the camera's zoom function. Yüyan suggests standing face-to-face with your subject to "really get in close on what's happening." 

This tip reminded me of photographing a 250-year-old Lebanon cedar tree on the grounds of Castello di Roncade outside Venice, Italy.

As soon as I saw the tree, I snapped a photo because it was alluring. But like my shot of Santa Cruz from the shore, I thought the bottom half of my photo was a bland waste of space. And like my shot of Watson Lake from the parking lot in Prescott, I didn't find my image nearly as impressive as the real thing. 

As I walked closer, I realized the tree was even more breathtaking. In my second photograph, I stood right in front of the tree, capturing the details of its spewing branches and surrounding greenery.

My goal was to make the photo all about the tree, and I think I accomplished this in my second image because every inch of the frame showed its details.

I find that the results often show a more intimate view of my experience, like when I bought fresh pasta in Italy.
A composite image of fresh pasta at a shop seen from far away and close up
The author photographs fresh pasta in Italy in 2022.

Joey Hadden/Business Insider

Yüyan's advice to shoot up close with phones also reminded me of another experience I had in Italy. 

When I went inside a fresh pasta shop in Vatican City, I was fascinated by the shaped dough on display. Their smooth texture and specks of flour that kept them fresh made me salivate, and I wanted to capture that feeling in a photograph. 

My first picture of the display case expressed none of this. While I could see a large chunk of the counter, this image was supposed to be about the pasta, and I could hardly capture its texture from this distance. 

So, for my second image, I got right up next to the glass and snapped a shot of the case with the widest variety of pasta shapes. I lit up as I peeked at the image because it elicited the exact feeling I was hoping for when I made it — a strong craving to taste the pasta, thanks to a front-row view detailing its shapes and textures. 

Yüyan's tips left me feeling inspired, and I can't wait to apply them to my future travels.
The author takes a selfie in front of a window reflecting trees behind her on a lime green door

Joey Hadden/Business Insider

After getting these tips from Yüyan, I was pleased to find that some images in my camera roll supported them.

Now that I've identified what makes some of these pictures stronger than others, I'll go on my next trip feeling more inspired to shoot from my phone. 

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I moved to Spain and started dating a Spaniard. We've had culture clashes I never would've expected.

The writer and her partner pose for a selfie on a dry hillside overlooking a green valley at sunset.
I started dating my Spanish boyfriend several months after moving to Spain.

Selena Templeton

  • Two years ago, I moved to Spain, and began dating a Spaniard several months in.
  • We had some immediate cultural clashes, mostly around communication and our argument styles.
  • I've learned that being fluent in a language doesn't necessarily make communication easy.

I'd spent years learning Spanish before I moved to Spain, but once I arrived, I realized how much further I had to go before I could call myself fluent.

I consider myself "conversationally adjacent"; I'm a few neighborhoods over from fluent, but I still get lost.

So, when I started dating a Spaniard six months into moving here, I was fully prepared for regular vocabulary deficits and butchered grammar (especially with my archenemy, the subjunctive).

What I didn't expect was that even when I understood every word, I could still misunderstand the meaning behind it — because language was only part of the equation.

I was shocked when he called me 'ugly'

Early in our relationship, my Spanish boyfriend casually called me "fea" — literally "ugly" — and was baffled when I burst into tears.

To him, the word didn't carry the cruelty I heard in its English equivalent. In Spain, words like "fea" or "feo" are often used as playful terms of endearment. Understanding this, though, didn't make it hurt any less.

Another time, I asked him how to say "making out" in Spanish. He had no idea — and, in fact, he didn't even understand the concept when I explained it.

"You know," I said. "More than kissing, less than sex. The kind of thing teenagers do on the sofa while pretending to watch a movie." He looked at me like I had invented a new sport.

That was when I started to realize that I wasn't just learning Spanish, but discovering that dating comes with different assumptions in every culture.

We followed very different dating rules

The writer posing for a selfie with her husband in front of a flowering tree and path in the woods in Spain.
I've learned that dating in Spain is very different from dating in Canada and the US.

Selena Templeton

After six months together, things were going really well, but my boyfriend and I still hadn't had "the talk."

Having lived in Canada and the US, I was used to relationships hitting a certain point when someone would say something along the lines of, "I really like you, and I think this is going well. Do you want to be in a relationship or date exclusively?"

When I brought this up, my boyfriend looked genuinely puzzled. So I asked how, in his experience, two people knew they were on the same page about progressing a relationship and not dating anyone else. He shrugged and told me that usually it's just assumed.

My mouth dropped open. "But what if you assume you're exclusive, and she assumes you're not, and it turns out she's dating other people?"

He shrugged again. "You just trust that you both feel the same way," he said.

My boyfriend isn't the only one who feels this way. After our discussion, I asked several Spanish friends about this, and they all said that neither they nor anyone they knew had ever had this conversation.

I've had to separate language, culture, and personality

The writer and her partner smiling at each other over a charcuterie plate at a tasting in Spain.
Two years into dating, we're very much in love, but we still encounter misunderstandings.

Selena Templeton

Some differences are easy to laugh about later — like when we argued about "compromiso," a word I understood as "compromise" and he meant as "commitment" — but others are harder, because they're embedded in our DNA.

For instance, we argue in different ways. My boyfriend can feel ready to move on from disagreements moments after they happen. I, on the other hand, take a bit longer to recover.

Two years later, we're still together and still in love. We're also seeing a couples therapist who has experience with bicultural relationships, because not being quite fluent in each other's languages means we may understand most of the words, but we're sometimes still confused about what the other person is trying to say.

Our therapist is helping us see which misunderstandings are linguistic, which are cultural, and which are simply differences between two people.

Movies often make cross-cultural dating seem romantic — after all, body language is universal, wink, wink — but I beg to differ. Communication is supremely important when trying to build a life with someone.

So this relationship has forced both of us to assess our assumptions at every potential speed bump. Now, we ask: Is this cultural? Personal? A relationship incompatibility? Or just a "lost in translation" misunderstanding that we'll laugh about later?

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I invited a guy I'd been dating for a month on vacation. It was the perfect relationship test.

Two people wearing sunglasses take a selfie on a rocky overlook with forested hills and cloudy sky behind them.
The author (right) said this was the first picture she took with a guy she was dating during a trip to Acadia National Park.

Courtesy of Renate Flanagan.

  • I had been dating a guy for about a month when I took a chance and invited him on a trip.
  • I was worried it might be too soon, but the vacation turned out to be a great compatibility test.
  • Six years later, he's now my husband. This trip is one we look back on fondly.

How soon is too soon to invite a new romantic partner to go on vacation? I asked myself that when I had been dating a guy for a month and had an upcoming vacation that I had planned before I met him.

During the height of the pandemic lockdown in the spring of 2020, I was going stir-crazy not being able to travel freely. In those early days before vaccines or access to testing, air travel felt risky, and there were even restrictions on interstate travel. As an avid traveler who always has a next destination in mind, I needed something to look forward to during those dark days when I was afraid to hug my parents because of social distancing guidelines.

I didn't know it yet, but a solo adventure to cure my cabin fever would turn into a litmus test for a budding relationship during those unprecedented times.

I planned a trip that seemed doable, even with pandemic restrictions

I loved hiking and the outdoors before the pandemic. While many places were closed due to social distancing mandates, the national parks were mostly still open. I had never been to Acadia National Park in Maine, even though I lived in New England until I was 10. Maine is within a day's drive from my home in the Washington, DC area, so Acadia seemed like a feasible destination.

I was single at the time. I had taken solo trips before and planned to go to Maine on my own. In June, I scheduled my time off from work for the last week of August. I didn't have any accommodations picked out or much of a plan other than driving up to Maine and visiting Acadia.

Then I met someone

In July, I met a guy from a dating app. We hit it off, and soon we were seeing each other multiple times a week. About a month after we first met, we were hanging out, and I said offhand, "I'm going to miss spending time with you when I'm in Maine." He said he was going to miss me too. Then an idea, that seemed crazy, popped into my head. "Well, you could come with me," I blurted out.

Lobster pieces, French fries, dipping sauce, wine glasses, candles, and pepper grinder sit on a dark coffee table.
The author said she connected with her new romantic interest over food, music, and more on this trip.

Courtesy of Renate Flanagan.

As soon as I asked him to join me, I wondered if I had crossed a line. We weren't even in official "boyfriend-girlfriend" territory. We had known each other for a month, and my trip was planned for a month later. Without hesitation, he accepted my invitation to go to Maine.

Going on vacation together was a great relationship test

I was excited my new love interest wanted to join me on vacation, but I couldn't help but consider the potential for disaster. What if we stopped seeing each other before it was time to go on vacation? How would we handle a 9-hour car ride together? What if four days of nonstop togetherness was too much too soon?

As he helped me plan the trip, I got early signals that things would go well. We collaborated on finding a place to stay. We were aligned that while we didn't need a 5-star hotel, we also didn't want a bargain rustic cabin where the only bathroom was an outhouse. The night before we left, he humored my meticulous packing list and impressed me with his ability to load the car as if he were playing Tetris.

Rocky lakeshore overlooks calm water between forested hills beneath a broad cloud-filled sky.
The author said the trip with her new romantic interest went well and shared that they have been together for six years.

Courtesy of Renate Flanagan.

The 9-hour drive showed we were a great team, taking turns as the driver or the copilot who assisted with navigation and music selection. We discovered that, as angsty teenagers, we had nearly identical tastes in early 2000s rock music, despite growing up on opposite sides of the Atlantic. Staying together in the cabin ended up being a micro-experiment in living together, which felt effortless.

The trip itself was a blast. We admired the Atlantic Ocean from the top of Cadillac Mountain and skipped rocks on Jordan Pond in Acadia. We went kayaking at the lake by our rented cabin and ate fresh lobster. Inviting someone you're dating on vacation so soon might have been unconventional, but it turned out great. Six years later, we're still together, and the trip remains a fond memory from the early days of our relationship.

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